Monday, October 31, 2005

IM HOME!!
I GOT A LAST CHANCE TO GO SEC 4
THANK GOD!!
EVERYONE DONT DISTURB ME TILL AFTER DEC 20TH LIDDAT PLS!!
I REALLY WANNA DO WELL AT ALL COST
DONT GO OUT ALSO CAN!!
HALLELUJAH!!

Nigel blogged at
5:20 PM

got kicked out of haus
sighs
my life is soooo great eh
at least i can go svc bahs
currently stayin in myaunts haus
damm sian
no com
cannot tok on the fone
than jus sooo not comfortable larss
zzz

Nigel blogged at
11:00 AM

Friday, October 28, 2005

281005

who in the world will understand me?
i'm now known as a SEC 3 SENIOR!
why?
the teachers i went to
esp ms aida
told me
tt i failed by a bit can i can advance
my name was on the top few on the list
i prayed
i hoped
i ran round the sku asking and pleading for help
but end up
jus a pack of lies
in VP office
i actually didnt wnana cry
but when i heard
i HAVE to retain
that was it
jus lost all my hope
they actually wanted to kick me out of the sku
but ms aida and VP kept arguin with principal
to keep me
than my dad pleaded to have me advance
he didnt have to do it
why?
father's love
i understand
now appealin for a double promotion
means to advance
but i know what the outcome will be
just cried
lost and helpless
i promised danny tt i wont give up
i cant keep tt promise
i worked so hard
so so hard
everyone kept asking?
did u reali study hard
yes
YES
why no one believes me
worst of all
i worked so hard to find myself retained
who knows the pain
the dissapointment
why didnt they jus giv it to me?
was it reali tt hard?

i m not angry with god
seirousli
im not
i prayed
he told me to jsu say whatever i should
and leave the rest to him
i thought all was not lost
but i was wrong
im disspointed

the pool of blood
the pool of tears

Nigel blogged at
12:42 PM

Thursday, October 27, 2005

271005

i guess many ppl are wondering why i suddenly stopped bloggin for quite some time eh
shall jus sum up everything

i failed my exams
i recieved a letter which says i might retain
i lost faith, hope and trust in god
till i went for the congru meeting
i reflected on
how lovely god's love was
how he would not abandon you even if you are the ugliest or most stupid person in the world
and esp
john 3:16
ive got hope alas
my form tcher told me that i suppose to adavnce but change to retain cos someone had better marks than me
my tcher told me that i was very close
yars
hallelujah
there's still hope
whatever the outcome is
i will accept it
cos its god's plan
never doubt him
althou there are times where things are really tough
like what i jus went thru
but good things will definately come
jus trust in him
2dae also debated with don about god
i thought the same way as he did in the past
but dunno lars
jus like keep tokin
about his problems
he shuldnt doubt cos he's god
we dunno his plans cos if we knew, we would be god
but we are not
and our sufferings are not caused by god
but by us
its because of the decision that we made
which caused us to have the consequences to bear
seriously veri happy
in the mornin also
i wokeup
i felt calmness from the holy spirit
its the power of prayers
they are really very powerful

ive received a breakthrough!!
=D
seriously wanna thank everyone that helped me to pull through this very very tough time
god bless all!

Nigel blogged at
12:47 PM

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

251005

sigh
reflections goin thru me

Nigel blogged at
8:50 PM

Monday, October 24, 2005

241005

woke up at 530
think of gg runnin
but nobody wanna go
so went back to slp again
than woke up
xb called me
ask if i wanne go swimmin with him and lionel
okay lor
since i qutie long also never swim
mroe of a tannin rather
went there
lionel one breathe can swimm veri far u noe
i and xb was like
WHOA
than i and xb swim like only one lap?
hah
spent the time tannin
got tanner jus A bit
lols
than went to lionel
tok lars
felt much better
im really too disillusioned by my desire
and that should not be they wad
because of this
i cannot hear what god is talkin to me about
glad to know where the problem lies
but i still need a lil bit time to pick myslef up again
yars
after tt
all came to my haus to bathe
lionel strummn not bad sia
or is mine like shet
dunnos
=x
than went gardens to eat
than took 136 to heartland
went town to gai gai
in the train
he was like playin with his bluetooth
haha
findin za buo
lols
than in town
xb met alot of his frens
includin the actoress that is sec 2
but shes taller than me sia
whoa
bought for myself a cross alas
i quite like it
praise you jesus!!
=)
than after tt went orchard mrt to rest
saw jolie, adriena and the whole gang
than xb suddenli decided to go home
sui bian lor
trained to heartland
walk walk
than went home
actually wanted to go runnin
but weather like wanna rain dun wanna rain liddat
pek cek
i guess i will go running tmr lars
yepss

for now,
god bless you all
hallelujah

john 3:16 is the most important verse throughtout our lives

Nigel blogged at
6:45 PM

Sunday, October 23, 2005

how many ppl actually know how i feel

everyone saying

i noe how you're feeling

im sick and tired of it

will someone pls come to my aid

god

fill me with ur love

please

this test is so painful and heartwrenching

please end this torture for me

im not confident of myself anymore

plz

Nigel blogged at
11:34 PM

231005

lionel's back at last!
he looks the least tann
has he been slackin?
-ponders
hahs

sat went by real fast
mornin woke up
answ went to my grandfather tombstone
100days just passed liddat
so fast!
still remebr the night he passed away
hais
after tt
went to eat with all my cousins
than went home
to have a short nap
took a bath than went pp
went to mit xb,kev,eugene
than met adriena and kerin and one more dunno hu
went aracde to slack
than darren came
than went svc

sighs
svc affected me the most i think
altr cal than i went forward
cried terribly
yars
xb also
danny wasnt
he awsnt sad
he was smilin
cant reali understand
anyways
went to eat dinner
i ate wonton mee
than everyone was like
har?
got wonton mee one ars
lols
than svc at some void deck
pre-encounter 2
i admit tt i couldnt concentrate well
than danny broke us up in grps of 2
i was with dylan again
than chat lor
he told he his results wasnt good too
yars
than everyone left after tt was finished
than i went to danny
dunno why i dared to like find him cos i intended to keep tt qn to myself only
why is it that when we encounter problems,the answers are like model answer? like trust in god lar,have faith in god lars,he wanna test u lar,he has better plans for u lar
i realli couldnt asnwer it myself
than danny said someething lar
i jus summarise as
the simplest answer is the answer to solving the hardest question
than i really felt the power of his holy spirit
he felt that i was on the brink of giving up
or rather
had alr given up hope on myself
than he said a prayer for me
askin me to open up my hearts
i had a lot of diffculty
i guess i managed to open a bit
he knew wad i was feeling
he knew i was giving up on myself
i cried lars
i promised him that i wont give up on myself
yars
i dunno
i cannot say prayer
cos i cannot say it with faith and confidence
i will end up sayin it for the sake of sayin
the trust for him within me has disapeared suddenly
i need it back
but my hearts tired
its broken
it needs god spiritual healing but its so afraid to talk to god
cos it cannot take another fall
its will end up dyin
hais

2dae gonna do nth
at all
yars
jus pray that the holy spirit will come to me

holy father
this is my cry to you lord
i pray for your spiritual healing to come onto me
i pray that you will heal my broken heart
show ur presence to me lord
i am feeling very lost
i can no longer pray to you with faith and confidence
i pray to you with fears
i admit i am angry with you lord
for not answerin my prayers
lord
i seek ur forgiveness
i pray that the holy spirit will come down and speak to me
i want to open up my heart and talk to you
but i cant
i am so afraid my legs cannot take it
i am so afriad of falling
another time
i lie defeated once more
pls
hear my cry
there are many things i am unable to put here
not bcus they are obcene or wad
its my emotions that no words can describe
lord
i command that you will help me in stopin Satan from disrupting my heart
i wanna follow your footsteps
pls
help me
AMEN.

the mtv in my blog suddenly means so mcuh to mee

Nigel blogged at
2:29 PM

Friday, October 21, 2005

211005

2dae went safari @ pl
quite fun lar
till tt sam yeo came
stirred trouble
wasted my time
than after tt came my haus to play mahjong
lol
than went bishan to mit clair and kevin
ate dinner
than went don haus
tok abt christ
yars
i beleive and have faith in him alrite
yars

Nigel blogged at
11:17 PM

Thursday, October 20, 2005

201005

i lie on the ground again
DEFEATED
and i am tired
i can no longer pick myself up
this life so painful
so stressful
filled with pain and agony
what actually went wrong?

god help those that help themselves
i helped myself
i worked so dam blardy hard
and this is the shit i get back
my hardwork only causes such failures
what a lie

one by one
the papers that i recieved
fail,fail and more fail
why is my life like this
why do i need to spend 2hours on things that require only 1hour

tears building up in my eyes
i desperately tried to roll them back
but yet i failed AGAIN
my tcher told me not to give up
how i wish i presevere
but i cant
since the start of the year
i heavent been passin a single paper
and now
this results
I DONT WANNA RETAIN!

i prayed to god
b4 my exams
prayin for wisdom and i may be able to returgitate all that ive learnt
prayer helps?
all lies
b4 i collected my results
i prayed for god to let me pass all my subs
and i am willing to sacrifice absoulutely anything
did it came true?
NO
why?
whats next?

i dunno
i cant answer
ive given up hope on myself
im so tired
i tried and tried
just to realise that
it is pointless
no matter how hard i try
it will still be the same
failure...

again im left alone
abandoned
stranded
with no one to reach out to
my cries are unheard
my pains get engraved on my heart
im still falling
i dunno when will i stop falling

god
jesus
christ
whatever
save me
i beg of you
my life is in a mess
and is gonna be worse

and how am i gonna tell my parents my results?
i bet im gonna be kicked out of the haus
why is this happenin to me
why wont my life change
why is my life so depressin

everyday is a new day
but my pain and troubles are pilin up
i can no longer handle it

i beg
i beg
i beg
i beg
i beg
someone pls come and save me
im so lost
im so ruined

Nigel blogged at
1:29 PM

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

191005

what a great day sia!!
argh
collect papers 2dae
at the bustop
was like findin ppl to pon with me
nobody
seriousli dun wanna know how lousy ive done sia
mornin assembly
ms aida confiscated my socks cos it had logo on
heng i wore two layer
than she confiscate the long one
left ankle length sock
than simon socks also canna confiscated
lol
freak kwok lor
4cm above
like idiot liddat
upper sec stil wanna chech
wahlan
than went to hall
inside
me and don jsu lie on the floor and sleep
=damm seh
took english
some part fail
some part pass
overall
pass!!
53%
comb sci lei
FAIL LEI
i aimed A1 for my chem
bud fail
dammit lor
i realise if i aim A1
i will fail
but when im prepared to fail right
i do extrodinaribly well
irritants!
phy also fal lar
dammit
42%
liddat also top 10
=than hist
SIGH
never pass tt paper b4
failed again
30%
my source based do super well sia
freakin eassy pull my marks down like siao
dammit
after sku
went bishan
wanted to buy 4CM SOCKS THAT COVER MY ANKLE!
argh
than saw kevin
church one
he damm zai lor
last day of markin day go out and watch movie with 4 gals
1 guy and 4 gals
whoa
watchin
INTO THE BLUE!
hahas
okays
nvm
than i headed home
slept like a pig
zzz

msg to sam:
you are nothing but a trouble maker
everymonth also got tai ji
u so zai in findin tai ji why u dunno how to solve them
everitime come to us
than we are labbed 'gangsters'
for what
than now still lie in front of us
knn
we constantly helped you but u took us for granted
we hoped tt u wud change lars
but u get more and more xia lan
still got wad patrica
wad OM
wad police
than still go learn to smoke
why you wanna attract so much atttention
if you want it so much just say lar
we give you al the attention in teh world
a life full of deciet will bring you to know where
my last advice:
pls change
pls don find tai ji liao
pls

Nigel blogged at
11:02 PM

Monday, October 17, 2005

171005

great!
i think i am suffer from a cold or flue
sighs
ers
2dae
chi paper
did it half awake
zai right
than listenin compre
can consider i quite guai liao
cos i didnt reali cheat
the rest all cheat sia
lols
cos the tcher like first time conduct listenin
hahas
tahn after sku
cannot decide go whre sia
lols
thana ll went home
i stay at home play burnout
damm fun lor
hhas
than xb came
than hc
than ken
than went don haus
than went bishan to mit kevin and clarissa
than went court to plae
tahn went don haus
ate dinner
tahn play tai di
than go home

tmr no sku
hurrays
hahas

Nigel blogged at
10:59 PM

Sunday, October 16, 2005

161005

2dae
early mornin alr started rainin
zzz
follwed by mom to the market
than go mit xb and hc
went danny haus
liangming was there
helpin eve mark papers
quite meaningful today
learned alot abt jesus and so on
the history
yepps

my goal:
do and act as a christian should
for you are the messenger of the gospel
think about after you have done whatever things,
what the consequences are
and continue to forgive ppl
and dun judge ppl cos if u judge ppl
god will do likewise onto you

Nigel blogged at
8:55 PM

151005

gonna be 2am liaos
make a short and brief one bahs
mornin
hc came my haus to slack
than went heartland to eat
mit rae and deb
than went to mit don fren
at first we saw about seven ppl
than we all shock
so many ar!?
end up onli three
lol
took 136 than 76
actually wanna go interact with them
but they were sleepin
zzz
than reach le
got introduction session
yars
than went for service
worshippin was fun
but sermon was damm borin and damm distracted by certain stuff
than went in front after the sermon ar
for those who doubted god
indeed i did
and one guy came to pray for me
than shi xiong
than he told
god has a word for you
trust in the god
that hit me
started cryin
u somehow didnt trust him
bout continually doubted him
sighs
but after that
i noe i will trust god
im gonna pull hejun to church
yepps
than after service went to go and eat
macs
when i still got throath infection
zai right
hahs
than after tt went to walk walk
with adriena and kerin and vanessa
than go arcade
than went to outside fish and co
tahn over there they were playin water
so lamee
zzz
i jus stood one side to look
zzz
than dora,sheryl and one more dunno hu came
yars
than too 76 home
throughout the whole bus journey
suanin sheryl all the way sia
lol
zZz...
nth much le lars
wanna go slp le
b4 tt shalll post some pics
hahas

Nigel blogged at
1:42 AM

Friday, October 14, 2005

141005

hmmm
2dae?
emaths paper 2hours and i slept for almost one hour
lol
zai right
but i think i should pass withoutmuch difficulty
monday is chi paper
but to me
hahs
exams have ended

in the mornin
sit down on the table
than my pants got stained
dammit
and my belt also!!
sigh
look macham i shet on my pants lor
irritants.
after sku went home
changed
than went to town
with xb ken and claire
yars
than slack lo
met jinghan
eat pasta mania
than saw the jernan or wad
also saw tess sia
lol
than went aracde
than heeren
than sian liao
go home
kinda lame rite
lols
losin my voice FAST
dunno wads happenin
jialat
those readin
mus pray for me kayss

Nigel blogged at
4:27 PM

Thursday, October 13, 2005

131005

today
took cab to sku
don paid
=D
hahas
AM paper was freakin hard
tahn after sku went heartland eat
than all go home
cos all of us later also got tuion
ahhas

Nigel blogged at
12:26 PM

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

121005

3 MORE PAPERS
B4 FREEDOM!!
FAST GET OVER AND DONE WITH IT!

hahas
okays
shall blog abt 2dae
erss
actualli nth much lars
jus had 2 papers
ss didnt undersyand one of the sources
bud the rest was fine
for phys lei
erm
i slept for more than half an hour sia
lol
hope i can pass lor
than comb science pass consider one sub
than a maths tmr
pass than 2
than nid one more
than can promote

PRAYER DEDICATIONS:

Xianbin: Lord,i pray for his health,studies and faster get over tt relationship and move on with life. and spiritually he would continue to grow and spread the gospel of god

Don: lord, this brother of mine came back to you after he has seen the side of Satan. he his now much more holy than anyone of us. lord i hope that you would continue to bless him in his spirutal walk with you and continue to guide people in the right path.

Hongchow:lord,he is a gifted son of yours.clever and talented in music.however his flaw is his temper.lord i pray you would help him control the bad temper of his.give him understandin and maturity.or even a heart check

Ken:he has been a follower of you for quite some time lord.but he has stopped growin as a christian.lord i hope that you would let him hear your words again and continue to grow with us.he is gifted in basketball but quite lousy in his studies.i hope that you would help him in his studies in the comin years

Kevin: lord i hope that your love will be made known to him.he will come to know that you die on the cross not for anyone else but himself.i pray that he will one day know about ur love and come to worship you

Benjamin:father lord,i confess that i do hate him.i noe i am wrong lord.please lord,knock some sense into him. during the spook show,i believe the holy spirit has touched him in one way or another,its just that he is shy of his problems he is facing.he hasnt come to that juncture where he realises u are the way,the truth and the life.i also pray that you will give him self-control.especialli in his attitude.

Lionel:i am very grateful of havin such a carin godfather, now he is in Sri lanka helpin the needy.lord i pray that you would bless him with good health and the ability to interpret the gospel well to the people there.i pray for his health and his work.i have noticed that he looks pretty tired.lord give him strength!

Danny:i also thank you father for such a wonderful grandfather? hahas..yars. his past was similar to wad im facin now i guess.smokin and so on.lord i pray that you would protect him and bles his wife and the 6cm baby!!

tt's all for now
gtg tution
bb
=)

Nigel blogged at
1:34 PM

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

111005

ers
didnt study for hsit paper cos my dad told me it wasnt worth wastin my time on last min catch
at first quite angry
than pray
calmed down
than reali never study
madness sia
lol
than durin the test
so damm easy lo
sian
shouild haf studied
jus tt 2hours plus paper seriousli damm long
yars
after tt went bishan
slack
than now at home
zzz

Nigel blogged at
12:09 PM

Monday, October 10, 2005

101005

didnt study much for geog
wad can i say
lol
my dad also told me not to
than tmr hist
my dad also told me not to study
haha
aniting lors

lionels gg away!
gonna miss him
yea
hahas
=)

Nigel blogged at
9:05 PM

Sunday, October 09, 2005

091005

theres this emptiness in my hart
why??

Nigel blogged at
12:39 PM

Saturday, October 08, 2005

081005

2dae
mit hc first
at bustop met ms lee
than less than 5 mins she sum up all of ms foo lessons on map readin
zai right
whoa
unbelievable
than mit xb and don on the bus
bud eventually decided to take bus cos it took too long
taxi took the long way
zzz
bud its alrite
had cell
about pre-encounter
yepps
god and man were together
they would have eternal life
bud man chose to lead a sinful life
caus of this
there is death
man chose many ways to recouncil with god
but failed
finally god sent his son jesus
to die on the cross for our sins
thru jesus
we can be with god again and be granted eternal life
since than
man has never stopped believin in religion and doin good
=))
quite refreshin cos i heavent been to service for AGES!
next was service
sang one way!!
too bad didnt go and jump
=sermon was interestin
pre-recorded
hahs
i dun find sermon borin
i find it veri interestin!!
hahas
but overall
it is veri refresshin for me

HALLELUJAH!!

Nigel blogged at
10:39 PM

Friday, October 07, 2005

071005

hmmm
blog bout ystd first
ystd had english paper
quite okays lars
after paper
chiong home
than saw deb
yars
than bathe change slack than went jurong for tution
nth much lor

2dae
e maths 2 and chi paper 1
chi paper 1 confirm fail one
e maths should be can pass
than
after papers
went heartland mac
eat
than i went home
they also cannot decide go whre mahs
than inside the bus
saw andrea
later got tution
zzz
heaven do hw yet
=than ermm
tmr gg cell and service!!!
at last!!

Nigel blogged at
3:35 PM

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

051005

JIALAT!!
TMR EXAMS
THAN MY E MATHS PAPER I SUDDENLI BLUR DIAO
HOW HOW
ALEMAKSSSS!!!
sighhh
gonna make a short entry
tmr havin english papers
gonna wake up an hour b4 usual to do QT
hope it would help calm me down
sigh
i macham first time take exam sia
zzz
e maths suddenli cannot do
why har
i wanna score in that one lei
not fair!
gonna attempt the qn again
b

Nigel blogged at
2:48 PM

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

jus heard the sat sermon
really hit my heart
imagine my life without god
it would have been much much worse
thanks god so much
its has changed my life
i learnt to be more tolerant in certain stuff
i begin to understand and carry out god's words
i also known great people that helped me spiritually
thank god!

Nigel blogged at
5:45 PM

041005

2dae
hc came late
zzz
mornin assembly
mrs koh announced wad friday got a grp of marist scold wad bus driver ar
use vulgaraities
its us lar
bud we didnt use vulgarities lars!
damm pek cek
than we went to go find mrs koh
than tok things out
she advise us wad to do lars
so on
blah blah
than pe lesson
mr koh also come to tok to us abt that matter
sian norhss
nth much le
after sku
ben followed
zzz
nth muhc lors

Nigel blogged at
5:08 PM

Monday, October 03, 2005

031005

2dae???
hrmmmss
kinda bored
4gt to bring my tie
so act sick
hahas
kinda fun
everione standin outside than u inside sleepin
LOL
lesson was quite borin
chem fun la
bud maths damm sian
zzz
than history
zzz
chi fun
english
zzz
so sian
think of exam comin
cannot take it le
after sku
went bishan
bud some DOG followed
irritants
at bishan
went to eat
than walk walk
yars
than than
saw eugenia
than went home

last sat sermon was abt being naive
make sense eh
wad has it got to do with whether jesus bloodline is passed down till now
even if he's a fake
will u lose aniting
no rights
yepps

Nigel blogged at
10:10 PM

Sunday, October 02, 2005

father,
i pray for the victims of the recent bombing
they died for the wrongdoings of others
i pray that they would now be safe
and join you in your kingdom of heaven
free from harm
danger
and for those who have caused this disaster
forgive them lord
forgive their sins
AMEN

Nigel blogged at
12:17 AM

Saturday, October 01, 2005

TODAY IS THE 100 PLUS KM
AND I DIDNT PARTICIAPATE
HAIZ

Nigel blogged at
6:44 PM

my cell =\

Nigel blogged at
3:35 PM

010905

sigh
im so sad!!
its my 3rd week not goin church
next week also confrim cannot go
that 4 weeks
than 2dae sell flag
i wanna go
i wanna beg
SIGH
im missin out on so many things
who can i blame?
me myself and i
='(
haiiiiiiiiiiii
this mornin
woke up
was fustrated
dunno why
i guess at myself bahs
too much stress
went for a mornin jog
yars
felt a lil better
than went to mit xb to go sku for extra lesson
yarss
than after tt rush home
jus caus i hope tt once my dad finish tchin me physics than i can go le
than he said
no
you dont have time
HAI
submit everything to god
='(
jus damm sad lars
gotta stay at home
last week service got the cell photo
and i also wasnt there
='( ='( ='(

heavenly father
save me
tell me what to do
i wanna go to church
but i cant
im under so much stress that i cant even sleep well
i cant even think straight
='(
regards,
your son

Nigel blogged at
3:27 PM