for the first time after 7 weeks!
the day offically came
lol
i overslept till dam late!!
haha
i woke up at 630 at first
but i was so tired that i really really couldnt get off my bed
so decided to stay in bed a little longer
besides, i set 3 alarms
so yah
i unconciously stopped all my 3 alarms instead of snooze!
so i only woke up at 745
when boon kiat msg me!!
when my lesson was suppose to start at 8
blegh
so i decided to take my own sweet time and miss IO chem lesson liao
lol
the train at 9 plus is really dam crowded la
really like sardine liddat
no place to move one

anyway
something happened along tt way tt caused me to examine alot about myself
at the green line, there was this old man who was like using something like a clutch
he sat beside me
when the train came
i just stood up and didnt pay much attention about him
i entered then heard the signal for door closing
i look at the door
the old man was still holding onto the door
i knew he wasnt going to make it
i took a step forward
i wanted to approach him to help him
but i only took A step.
just that 1 step and i couldnt go any further
i dunno why
something held me back from helping him
my hesistation dragged alot of time
the door closed
my heartbeat increased
the old man fell
a malay lady quickly rushed to his aid
i wanted to
but i still stood there
the train opened its doors and the officers came
tryin to help lift the old man
obviously the strength was enough
he was on his feet
even if he was, his feet didnt have enough strength
somemore ppl came to help
im still rooted to the ground
i just stood there and looked
finally they managed to have him seated
but another officer told him to get off the train first
i guess they lendin him a wheelchair bahs
then he couldnt stand up
he struggled
again his legs werent strong enuff
under the seats were his clutch
i saw it
but i kept silent
someone said it out
and he managed to make his way out very slowly
the train then continued its usual stuff

i thought alot after that
why?
why didnt i do what my instincts had told me to
why was there this hesitation in me
i really dunno
im disappointed in myself

haiz
whatever
anyways
lessons were alright la
i only attended cppb la
lol
i didnt really pay attention
but understand la
it was my first and only lesson
lol
i heard tt my chem lecturer was like
huh!? wher is nigel? why he never come?
lols
then had report writing test
smth like a summary la
yah
nth much la
after tt came home la
dam tired
and super lot of things to do
sighs
sku endin tt time shud b slack
in poly, it the opposite
zz

father
renew me
give me this heart of compassion
you see this heart
rekindle it with love
use me
amen

Labels: Soul-searching

Nigel blogged at
9:19 PM